Comment:     by Carole Soldat 8/20/2008 I like the "candy jar" idea as well; we had something similar in my old manager's office. She took one of her short file cabinets and turned it into a "refreshment bar": candy, cookies, nice teas, etc. I also agree with limitations on lunch hours; it's not so much a function of location (though it can be) as I, like one of the other posters, just come in, work through lunch, eat at my desk and go home earlier. I'd rather have that extra hour or so at home rather than lunch out during work. And let's face it, unless you're making a ton of cash or can legitimately expense the lunch, I'd rather spend my discretionary income on...Read On Author's Response: 8/20/2008     Whether you are a manager or a team member, I would encourage you to consider something: Investing in building and sustaining human relationships with your manager and team mates is part of the expense of being a professional. It is an investment that you make in your career and your organization. I don't mean to say that you should be buying lunch often for your team if that creates a financial hardship. If you are a manager, I think taking team members to lunch from time to time is a legitimate business expense... some of my past employers have agreed with this position, some have not. Where they haven't, I have often just paid for lunch or coffee out of my own pocket. My point is that this is as much a necessary expense as professional reading and training (which some employers pay for to a greater extent than others). If your employer won't pay the bill, you need to ask yourself whether YOU are committed to your career and the success of your organization enough to make an investment. From my experience, I would say that the consequence of these kinds of expenditures (the occasional coffee or lunch or pizza for the team), even if it comes from your own pocket, is an investment in your own career. I think the difference you experience in your success as a result of this investment is likely to pay you dividends in the long run (the promotions that come with success and the satisfaction of being successful). I confess I'm a little surprised by your comment. In my experience, most IT folks are compensated well enough that buying a sandwich from time to time isn't going to break the bank. I completely understand that eating lunch out often isn't practical or desirable for some people, particularly early in their careers... but I'm suggesting occasionally, not often.
	Comment:     by Lindsay Morsillo 8/20/2008 I think that the comment about not being able to set up lunch meetings is a little one-sided. The cause can be from the team member, not the manager. And not just due to their being introverted. I personally enjoy the people I work with and for, but I rarely get together with them at lunch as I prefer eat at my desk and work, optimizing my 8-5 day and allowing me time for family and personal pursuits. I am in a 4 person team where we all seem to work the same way. With commuting and how busy things are with a family, I rarely take the opportunity to just hang out with my co-workers as I've just spent 8-9 hours with them and my...Read On Author's Response: 8/20/2008     People vary in their interest, willingness, and availability to socialize with their co-workers. That is reasonable. I must say that making some time for social interaction and casual conversation between a team member and team lead/manager is ESSENTIAL, not optional. I think it would be unreasonable for a manager to expect a team member to be available often (daily or weekly) for lunch, or breakfast, or coffee. I think there is some level that is reasonable to expect (monthly? I don't know... would depend upon circumstances). In the case of particular hardship (rigid child care demands that made it difficult to do things before or after work), it would seem reasonable as a manager for me to take someone during working hours for a cup of coffee or a soda and a chat. The goal isn't to talk about baseball or movies... the goal is to establish and maintain a human connection and monitor how things are going. Are people enjoying their work? Are they finding it stimulating? Are they finding it professionally challenging? Are there obstacles to progress or issues in the work place that should be addressed? To me, one on one conversation is one of the only ways I know how to broach these potentially sensitive issues. I don't know you or your team, but if I were your manager's manager, I would find fault with him/her for not making time to get a little social grease into the wheels.
	Comment:     by Mary Coombs 10/4/2007 I really like the candy jar idea. I think I'll try it. I wonder what to do about an introvert. He just does not want to participate in anything one-on-one, like having coffee or having lunch. He even declines to join all the rest of our group in the monthly appreciation breakfasts at a local restaurant. He's not a bad guy, and he gets his work done, but his favorite method of communication is email. The less face-to-face contact he has the happier he seems to be. Any ideas? Author's Response: 10/4/2007     A friend once pointed out to me that a career in programming involves lots of natural selection for introverts. Just to get a computer science degree, you had to find a bunch of people who would rather spend Saturday night cuddling with a keyboard in the computer center rather with another human on a date. Anecdotally, I’ve heard that in the general population the split between introverts and extroverts is about 50/50, but that in the computing profession it is more like 90/10. Bottom line: having a lot of introverts on a programming team is common in my experience. This can make building and maintaining communication paths more of a challenge. It may be politically incorrect to notice this, but in the real world, the gender difference may also be a consideration (I’m not saying is SHOULD be, I’m saying that it may be). You used the pronoun “he” to describe your introvert, and your name is Mary. When I was a puppy in my 20s, individual attention from a female co-worker or manager always had a trace of real or imagined ambiguity for me. Probably just raging hormones, millions of years of evolution, and an overactive imagination, but still… it might be another complication. This can be exacerbated for people who grew up in different cultures. To avoid confusion, perhaps you could approach it this way: announce to your team that your goal is to get to know them better and build a better working relationship, and that your strategy for doing that is to take one of them to lunch each week, and that you will be contacting them each to set that up in the future. That lets people know why you are doing this (I’m always surprised how many people assume that there is bad news when the boss wants to talk with them) and establishes it as normal behavior. Then you can touch base with your introvert in the middle of the rotation (not first) and normalize the contact. I’m a pretty good “people person” (a mutant for a software engineer… probably why I drifted into consulting and project management). My wife is a stunningly good people person. One of the things that I’ve learned from her is that if you take a genuine interest in finding out what is unique about a person, it tends to make them feel more comfortable talking. Generic questions about what they are working on and what they like about it or what they find challenging can be great for this. Ask open ended questions when you are working with an introvert (questions that need an essay kind of answer) rather then yes/no questions. Good luck!
	Comment:     by Jeanne Collins 10/2/2007 In some environments time for lunches or long coffee breaks is not feasible. For those times I've found the candy jar helps. I keep a candy jar on my desk filled with all my team member's favorites. When someone new joins the team, I stop by their desk and find out what their favorite is, then when it's added to the jar I let them know. The team candy jar is as diverse as the team, and an interesting way to learn about someone. Author's Response: 10/2/2007     Oooh... I wanna be on YOUR team... Peanut Butter Cups please. This is a great idea for keeping communication flowing. I must say that I would worry a bit about a place where a manager couldn't get away for lunch or coffee with the troops from time to time. I see that as part of a manager's job. When I started in IT in the early 80's my boss took me for lunch and drinks from time to time (it was a different era from a political correctness and liability standpoint, and he was old school to begin with). I'm curious... does lunch not fit with the culture, or are you on a small space station where you can't get away?

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