Is Your Boss a Bully?

[article]
Summary:

People who cannot manage themselves should not manage others. End of discussion. Threats of physical harm, retribution, and personal attacks are never acceptable, so why do so many people have to deal with verbal abuse in the workplace? Esther Derby offers some sensible strategies for dealing with a scurrilous superior.

Not too long ago, I had lunch with my friend Sarah. I hadn't seen her in a while, so I was surprised when she mentioned that she was leaving the company she has been with for almost ten years. The developers, testers, and other managers at this company respect her, and she loves what she does. Her workplace sounds ideal. So, why is Sarah leaving?

Sarah isn't leaving for a more prestigious position or a higher salary; her boss is driving her out the door. Sarah's manager blows up when things don't go the way he wants them to, and she has had enough. "I'm tired of being screamed at," Sarah said. "Life is too short."

Sarah's not the only one who has had to deal with a hostile boss. According to an article in American Way, "42% of US workers reported incidents of yelling and verbal abuse in their workplace." While some people may feel they have to accept abusive behavior from bosses in order to keep their job, I agree with Sarah: Life is too short.

The Costs of Yelling and Verbal Abuse
Some people I talk to dismiss my concerns about workplace abuse. They tell me I'm too sensitive. "It's just Frank," they say. "He blows up, and then it blows over. Nobody takes it seriously." But there are costs.

People who work for abusive managers often have stress-related problems and illnesses. They miss work due to symptoms, and they are less productive when they are at work. Their energy isn't going into building software; it's going into dealing with the emotional fallout of their manager's behavior.

Yellers also drive attrition - turnover is higher, and it's harder to entice internal candidates to work for a manager who has a reputation for outbursts and abuse. Many people would rather walk out the door than work for an abusive boss. The people who do stay may feel trapped by the job market or their own beaten-down self-esteem. People who feel trapped or beaten-down are not productive workers.

In my experience, abusive managers fall into three categories. How you handle the situation depends on which kind of screamer you're up against.

The Unaware Manager
Strange as it may seem, I've actually met managers who were not even aware they were yelling. Some people come from families where yelling is part of their "normal" communication. They see yelling as expressive, not aggressive. They may not be aware of the effect their yelling has on other people.

The Crack-the-Whip Manager
Some managers believe that people are basically lazy and will not work without coercion and threats of punishment. This view is called "Theory X" management. I don't hear many developers or testers say, "I work better when I'm a little afraid. If my boss didn't threaten me, I'd never get a thing done!" But some managers believe that this is the case. People who hold this view see yelling and threats as appropriate management action.

User Comments

1 comment
cassandra little star's picture
cassandra little star

I was recently forced to leave a company I had been with for almost two years. This past Friday my supervisor called another worker and I outside to talk when we got outside he began to yell and try to cuss at us then starting pointing his fingers in my face and proceeded to hollar around even more. I acted out of defense because to me I felt as if my boss had wanted to fight (fist fight) I screamed at him and told him to take his hands out of my face in which he did it even more provoking the argument and turning it into an all out screaming match. The other co worker watched everything go down and in the end said herself that it wasn't right for what he did to us. She was calm but I was almost in tears. I said what I needed to say and was going to leave it at that until he began to provoke the argument again. It ultimately ended with me saying I quit in which he just shrugged his shoulders as if thats what he was waiting for my co worker pleaded with me to reconsider my decision but I felt so humiliated and attacked that I felt I no longer wanted to be there. Is there anything I can do? I am the fourth worker to leave the company due to his abusive behavior! Do you have any advice that you can offer?

January 13, 2013 - 2:59am

About the author

Esther Derby's picture Esther Derby

A regular StickyMinds.com and Better Software magazine contributor, Esther Derby is one of the rare breed of consultants who blends the technical issues and managerial issues with the people-side issues. She is well known for helping teams grow to new levels of productivity. Project retrospectives and project assessments are two of Esther's key practices that serve as effective tools to start a team's transformation. Recognized as one of the world's leaders in retrospective facilitation, she often receives requests asking her to work with struggling teams. Esther is one of the founders of the AYE Conference. She co-author of Agile Retrospectives: Making Good Teams Great. She has presented at STAREAST, STARWEST and the Better Software Conference & EXPO. You can read more of Esther's musings on the wonderful world of software at www.estherderby.com and on her weblog at www.estherderby.com/weblog/blogger.html. Her email is derby@estherderby.com.

StickyMinds is one of the growing communities of the TechWell network.

Featuring fresh, insightful stories, TechWell.com is the place to go for what is happening in software development and delivery.  Join the conversation now!

Upcoming Events

Aug 25
Aug 26
Sep 22
Oct 12